Gender Misconceptions About Sex

In both dating and couples counseling, we often run into men and women’s misconceptions about each other’s needs. While understanding the differences in their hormonal makeup doesn’t resolve all their sexual conflicts, it sure reduces them.

Men’s Misconceptions

Many men may think they’re good lovers because women are often reluctant to bruise their notorious male egos by telling them what they really think. Even when women do speak up, some men are so resistant or stubborn that they don’t listen. So when a man wants more sex than his mate, he may not get that she is not enjoying it all that much and won’t be more enthusiastic until he gets more skilled.

He also might not understand that most women, don’t separate the health of the relationship with their desire to have sex and that nothing is more erotic to females than real intimacy and connection. For them, good communication is not only a major turn on, but also a key ingredient in foreplay.

A few hormonal facts men should know about women and creating that loving feeling are:

  • Women have 10 times more oxytocin, than men do. It motivates bonding, and produces powerful and satisfying feelings of love, affection and closeness.
  • Verbal communication triggers oxytocin big-time.
  • Oxytocin makes a woman a sensual creature: she much more sensitive to sight, sound, taste, touch and odors than men.
  • Eye gazing, hugging, cuddling, kissing, stroking, sucking her nipples, stimulating her vagina and cervix all turn oxytocin on.
  • Stress, conflict and not feeling safe turn oxytocin off.

Women’s Misconceptions

Women who want a vibrant sex life may also need some adjustment to the way they think, as well as some training and practice. For one thing, many women don’t understand the male sex drive and can be critical or annoyed with it. In a relationship context, they might not get how important sex is to men and how it binds them to their mates. Rather, they can judge men’s sexuality, their interest in porno or their checking out other women as character flaws. Ditto for men’s lesser interest in talking about emotions and processing. They don’t realize that Nature built men that way for a reason.

A few hormonal facts women should know about men and testosterone are:

  • Testosterone (T) creates the male brain. One of the aspects of the male brain is that the area for processing sex is 2-2.5 times larger than a woman’s.
  • Males create about 150 million sperm every day that are screaming to get out.
  • Sex is on men’s minds because their T is released every 17-60 seconds into their bloodstreams.
  • Men are built to inseminate as many women as possible to preserve humanity. Programmed to be on the lookout for potentially fertile females, it’s natural for them to ogle women.
  • Visual triggers eroticize men, hence the graphic sexual images in porno.

Learning To Appreciate The Differences

We use information on gender with all our clients, whether single or in a relationship, to enable them to have the best sex life they can. We can help you to bust some of your own misconceptions. Frank is particularly good at working with men of all ages. Call Judith or Frank at 310-395-1088.

So THAT’S Why They Do That! Men, Women And Their Hormones details how men and women are built and why they act the way they do. It gives you new insights and tools to understand and appreciate that baffling creature in bed with you, and how to put the sizzle into your sex.

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