Intimacy upgrades for your bedroom

Ways to make our bedroom itself more sexy.

Is it new sheets, dimmers, toys/accessories?

Why make your bedroom sexier? I think that love making, emotionally connected sex, is a transcendent, spiritual experience. The sexier you can make it the more spiritual and transcendent the sex becomes. I’m talking about the experience where you go beyond the limits of the ordinary physical realm. Think of it as a peak moment, being in the zone or being totally present. It’s when you know you are in touch with everything and the force is with you. You know you can do anything you want. That’s spiritual!

That being said, the bedroom becomes a sacred space and the sexier you make the more sacred it becomes. Take a look around the room. Do you use the bedroom for anything besides sleeping and love making. If you do you might do what you can to minimize anything that is not love or sleep related. I don’t think it’s a good idea to have a TV in the bedroom. Watch TV in the living/family room. Music on the other hand can help with setting the mood. More on that later.

As you look around the room notice if it is clean and neat. Don’t leave clothes lying around, socks on the floor – you know what I mean. If the sheets are old and yellowing it might be a good idea to replace them. Clean up the clutter.

You want the space to be as pleasing to the woman as possible because that helps relax her and get her in the mood. Otherwise she’s thinking about how she should be straightening up or buying new sheets and she’s not able to be present and focus on the love making and will not be able to get you to that transcendent space we were talking about. Since this is important to a woman you might consider asking her what would make the bedroom sexier for her. Women are more sensually aware than most men. So you want it to look good and smell good and be the right temperature.

Continuing on our sacred sex theme, some people actually create altars in their bedrooms. Maybe on top of a dresser, or on a small table. They put a picture or a revered teacher or some sacred but erotic image along with crystals, candles and incense and maybe some flowers. Remember sexy is sacred.

Soft lighting is really a good idea. However I don’t recommend a lot of candles burning while you are making love, for two reasons. First, all those flames are sucking up the oxygen, which you want as much of as you can get. Deep breathing is one of the keys to transcendent sex. Secondly, seeing each other is a powerful aphrodisiac, especially for men. It’s important to able to look into each other’s eyes and really see.

Toys and accessories can be fun and can help set the mood. So can chocolate, fruit and wine. Setting the mood is a vital component of transcendent sex. There is an important step in the love making process that comes before Fore-Play. I call that step Pre-Play. It’s the step where you set up the connection between the two of you. This is so important to women because for them to reach that transcendent place they have to be able to still their mind and feel completely connected to you.

The reason that’s important to you is that when she reaches that transcendent state she will bring you along with her. If she doesn’t get there, you might as well be having solo sex. Toys and accessories like costumes and vibrators can still be fun, however it’s not about the things it’s about the connection. The toys and things can help get her to that place where she is now thinking about having great sex and she can now let go and surrender to the process.

If you don’t have toys and want to focus on the connection there are several things you can do to deepen that intimate state. Dancing together, nude, is one way. Eye gazing with synchronized breathing is another. Sit on the bed facing each other, knees touching. Look into each other’s eyes and breathe deeply enough so that you can see each other’s chest moving in your peripheral vision. The man should synchronize his breathing with the woman’s. Do this for five or ten minutes, just being aware of each other’s presence.