So That’s Why They Do That!

Men, Women and Their Hormones
Show Prep — Talking points

Why do you call yourselves Top Gun Love?

Frank is an ex-fighter pilot turned love, sex and relationship coach 25 years ago. Judith is a personal, career and relationship counselor for 37 years. A friend suggested that we bring what Frank used to do into what they are doing now and Top Gun Love was born. We like the analogy because those top gun fighter pilots strive constantly, with study and practice to be the best. We think that the same approach applies to love, sex and relationship.

How does that work?

We created our approach like a manual for a jet fighter. There are sections for description and operation, normal procedures, emergency procedures, crew duties, all weather operations and performance factors. The description and operations section is vitally important because if you don’t know how the airplane works, it’s very dangerous to fly it. The same holds true for our systems. If you don’t know how you function and how your partner functions, and they are as different as two different kinds of airplanes, it’s very difficult to have a harmonious relationship, much less a fulfilling one. You could crash.

Have you written a book?

We have. Actually it’s the first in a series of books and this one fits in the description and operations section and it’s called, SO THAT’S WHY THEY DO THAT! Men, Women and Their Hormones. While the book covers hormones, it’s really a guide for men and women in every season of life: such as dating singles from young adults through men and women in their 30’s and 40’s, newlyweds, committed and married couples, expectant couples, boomers, seniors and divorced or widowed singles re-entering the world of dating, and partners facing menopause and andropause.

What will I learn from the book?

How to end the emotional rollercoasters and pointless power struggles, hurt feelings, and stress from communication mix-ups. Learn important keys to real sexual happiness. You will discover how understanding hormones—both hers and his—can transform your life and help you create a deeply satisfying intimate relationship with the one you love. Straightforward and compassionate, this down-to-earth relationship guide explains how hormones act as the silent drivers of behavior for women and men.

How do you do that?

We show you how to unlock the power of biology to enjoy a lifetime of love and sexual fulfillment. We teach communication tactics and methods to resolve conflicts, stay together, and be happier than ever. For example there are many things that men do that women just don’t get and conversely there are things that women do that men really don’t understand. If you are a young couple, how would you like to be able to predict when she’s going to be hot and when she’s not? And what to do when he’s hot and she’s not.

Why is this so important?

Pilots spend weeks in ground school learning how the hydraulic system relates to the flight control system and how the electrical system interfaces with the fuel system and so on.

Most of us don’t have a school to teach us how our systems work, much less how they interface. We get in relationship with someone who has a different operating system than we do and then we don’t understand why the relationship doesn’t seem to work.

That makes things scary and often those relationships crash and burn because the operators didn’t know how their systems worked.

It’s interesting how women often think that men should behave more like they do and don’t understand why men do some things that any woman would think of as crazy.

Guys can’t seem to grasp why women change their mind so much or never want to do anything guys think is exciting.

Why do men take so many risks and why women are so cautious?

Cortisol is the stress hormone that triggers the flight or fight response. That’s what makes women say “I’d rather be safe than sorry.”  Men on the other hand are driven by testosterone and testosterone blocks cortisol, so men just blast ahead saying, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

Kerbalmmo! “Ooops, sorry.”

Something that guys don’t get is why women love to talk so much. Why is that?

When women talk, they are connecting and bonding. When they bond, they generate a hormone called Oxytocin, which in turn creates serotonin and dopamine which makes her feel really good. Women can actually get high from talking.

What about when she goes around sulking for days and when he asks her what’s wrong she says, “Oh nothing.”

That’s because she can read facial expressions and body language like a skilled master and she thinks that guys have the same ability. Not so ladies. Men aren’t built that way. If you are upset with him, you have to open your mouth and tell him.

Guys always want to know how they can tell if she’s hot or not.

If a woman is of child bearing age, knowing how the hormones fluctuate during her monthly cycle can help you predict when she will be hot and ready for some serious lovin’. Tracking her hormones will also give you clues about her behavior variations during the month.

Just as an airplanes performance can be affected by different weather conditions. We have a chart we made to show how things fluctuate during a menstrual cycle. This is must know stuff for those you who want harmonious relationships.

What does a guy do when he’s hot and she’s not hot?

The best way to get her in the mood is to get her to bond with you.  Get her talking. She loves to talk and if you ask her about her day or what she thought about a movie or TV show or anything that will get her engaged and you stay engaged with her will warm her up. Remember however, you can’t just do this five minutes before you want to have sex, this is a process that takes some time and ideally you would start it the day before you want to make love.

Speaking of talking, that’s a quip, did you ever notice how sometimes women will talk about something and then switch to something else and then come back to the original topic.

A lot of the times she’s just trying to figure out how she feels about something and when she talks about it helps clarify the topic in her mind. She may then decide that she really isn’t that interested in it and she drops it.

How’s a guys supposed to stay up with that?

Guys probably can’t. So just be patient and let her talk. Her girlfriends understand this because they do it too.

That’s so difficult for guys and actually can be stressful at times because guys are so single focused, it actually stresses them out to have to listen to all this confusing commentary. Guys’ think they have to provide a solution to whatever she’s talking about. They have to be the answer-man. So really all I have to do when you are doing that talking thing is sit there and go, “Oh wow. Really? Uh huh. and so on?”

That’s the idea, but you really do have to be engaged and participating, not reading or watching TV.

What about men? They get angry so quickly and it seems like everything tees them off. What’s going on there?

Tee’s them off is the perfect description. When a guy gets a little angry, he gets a shot of Testosterone, which makes him angrier. That gets him another shot of T, which makes him even angrier, which guess what, gives him another shot of T and by now he’s probably in rage.

What can a gal do about that?

If she knows what if happening she can realize that it really isn’t personal, he’s just built that way. Maybe that can help her not to get angry and escalate things. Then if she can back off and separate from him until he has a chance to cool down, things can then be discussed in a civilized manner. If she tries to get resolution while he is in an enraged state she is not likely to be successful.

What can the guy do?

If he can recognize what’s happening and catch himself by stopping and taking a deep breath, he can interrupt the cycle and stem the flow of T and keep from going into rage. A lot of guys get hooked on that T flow and stay angry a lot of the time just because that T makes them feel strong.

That’s scary.

Yes it is. And a lot of women have paid dearly for not knowing about this and pushing the guys beyond his limits. When he’s enraged he’s really out of control. That doesn’t make if OK, but that is often the case.

Men also have this thing about being the punisher. What’s that about?

Again it’s a testosterone drive reaction. When guys see someone doing something they consider to be wrong or unjust, they want to stop them and punish them for the perceived injustice. I can vividly remember my father punishing me. When I did something my mother didn’t like, she would tell me, “Wait to your father gets home.” Then when he did get home she would tell him what I did and he would then go into this punishment routine, spanking me with a paddle. I would look at him and see how angry he was and I could never figure out why he was so angry. I hadn’t done anything to him or around him. Now understanding the hormone interaction I realized that he was in the punisher, angry T reaction. I don’t think it would any difference if I had known that back then but it could make a difference to some young parent now.

I hope we’re past the age of corporeal punishment

Roger that.

Let’s talk more about women. Why is it when a guy does something wrong and hurts her feelings, she never, ever, lets him forget it and brings it up at every opportune moment?

Women store memories in the hippocampus part of the brain. When her feelings get hurt it also creates an emotional memory and that keys the offense so that it’s stored on her mental hard drive and will never be deleted.

Another thing I‘ve noticed about women is that sometimes when there is an argument and she is really upset, and the issue gets resolved, but she can’t let it go. She keeps on hammering on the same point even though it’s been handled.

That’s because her body is flooded with cortisol and it takes her time for that to dissipate.

This is important guys. Don’t add fuel to the fire. Just give her time to simmer down.

So why do guys ogle every pretty woman they see?

A number of things are going on here. First of all, most guys are very visual and they like looking at beautiful things, like women and cars for example. A Ferrari, a Jaguar, or Aston martin will turn the heads of most guys. They check out the cars the same way they check out the woman. Most guys know that they aren’t ever going to have a Ferrari, Jag or Aston Martin but that doesn’t mean he can’t look and appreciate. The same thing holds for pretty women. He can look and appreciate, knowing he isn’t going to go there and screw up his relationship. There are exceptions, but most guys just want to look. That being said, the second thing going on here is that guys are designed to inseminate as many childbearing females as they can. It’s in their genes and their blue jeans if you will. The third thing happening here is that men and especially young men get a T drip every 17 to 60 seconds. They are producing 50 million sperm every day that are screaming to get out. So guys do think about sex a lot more than women and it’s all tied together here.

Why do men seem to be so consumed by their jobs?

Status and hierarchies are important to men. It feeds their testosterone and makes them feel manly. He needs a mission and a structure to give him standing. without he may feel lost. Explains gangs and slackers.

How do we find out more about you?

Please go to our web site TOPGUNLOVE.COM and sign up. We have some great bonus material for joining our site and we love to help people find the love of their life and the life that they love.  Remember, if you don’t know how the airplane works you could crash. If you don’t know how you work and your partner works, you could crash.

Is your book available?

Yes! There is a link of our web site, so please sign up to get the bonus offer.

Please do join us. We want to make the world a better place by creating the relationships we all dream of. We know this stuff works because it works for us. So get ready for take-off; let us help you take your relationship to the stratosphere and avoid those scary nose dives.


Thanks and happy landings.